Michelle Tant

Earlier this year I observed an autopsy of an infant girl. This is my response to the encounter. There are no identifying comments in the text.   My assumption is of cot death though of course this is not diagnosable at point of autopsy.   I lost my own brother to cot death when I was 5 years old. I remember him vividly and I remember his absence in our home just as clearly. Our lives were never the same again; his loss is still felt now nearly 30 years later. Seeing Baby X brought so much of the pain back into stark focus and I wondered if the mortician had treated my brother so kindly and with such respect. I hope so. I wrote this letter because I was shocked by the violence of my feelings. I was literally knocked sideways by the strength of them and they seemed to have no resting place. I started to write the letter in my head and began to find some peace as I acknowledged her life and paid my respects. I can't bring her back to life, I can't heal the pain of ...

We are nearly 6 months into our sons diagnosis with autism and I do feel we are still on the steep end of the learning wedge. I feel there is so much I don't yet know and there really is a lot of conflicting information out there and while I generally feel I can pick my way through it, what is becoming increasingly apparent is that while autism is a THING, it is not a thing firmly wedged in a box. Yes there is the triad of 'impairments ' but there is a range within those too. So you have multiple spectrums within the spectrum. So this post is a bit of a collection  of the information we have gathered along the way as well as a record of how we're feeling and coping too. We don't tell lots of people about his autism, mainly because the people who matter already know, but also because of the lack of understanding we have already encountered. Many people hear 'autism' and assume the person will be non-verbal, unable to make eye contact and hand-flap all day (...

Just recently I have been so busy you would not believe it. Between the course, my family, church and work there has literally been no time to think. This has been a bit frustrating because despite all those things, I really want to do more! I am missions secretary for my church and before midwifery I was able to be very involved in fundraising and I loved trying to motivate the church into giving to our projects. It was very satisfying but now I do feel like I am letting them down a bit by not being so active. Thankfully others have stepped forward, things change and I do believe God fills the gaps which is liberating! It does leave me with the question of usefulness and ministry though. As a Christian I am 'called' to love and serve God and to do it to the best of my ability and with all my heart, soul and strength. This motivates me to do my best in all parts of my life but  I have to say I wondered briefly if going into midwifery was me being a bit self indulgent. I was d...

It's been a (shameful) while since I wrote about one of the topics close to my heart (literally) and the truth is I've probably been too caught up in my midwifery training to focus on it however this story led me to lift my head above the parapet of books on my table and say "What the...?" Breastfeeding mandatory for two years in United Arab Emirates http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/feb/07/uae-law-mothers-breastfeed-first-two-years The UAE has passed a law making it compulsory for mothers to breastfeed their children until they are two years old, the justification being it is the child's human right to receive breastmilk. If mothers are actually unable to breastfeed then a wet nurse is to be provided. The law doesn't state what are acceptable reasons to not breastfeed however. Also offices are being made to provide nurseries so that mothers can breastfeed while at work. Implications of the law mean that husbands are therefore able to sue their wives...

Preacher tonight said there are people who feel far away but God is honouring the fact you haven't let go. "When Satan tempts me to despair And tells me of the guilt within Upward I look and see Him there Who made an end to all my sin Because the sinless Saviour died My sinful soul is counted free For God the just is satisfied To look on Him and pardon me" (Before The Throne Of God Above lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc)

This week my lovely boy was diagnosed with autism. Or is that diagnosed autistic? See how new I am to this? I feel like my head is swimming so I'm writing in the hope that writing, as it usually does, helps give me the clarity and steadiness to my thoughts that I need. Because if I'm absolutely honest, I feel a bit blindsided . It doesn't matter that in fact we have wondered over the years if he might be 'on the spectrum', we have even gone as far at times to say that yes, he has autistic traits but he IS autistic? Turns out it's more surprising than expected. We went to his paediatric review with no other expectations than to get the incontinence nurse chased up and perhaps the suggestion of some more blood tests to investigate the reason he presents with sensory processing difficulties, speech and language disorders and learning difficulties. The Dr greeted us with the observation that it seems that the only avenue left unexplored at the moment is the a...

If you have been reading my ramblings for any amount of time then you know that I really can witter on. More recently my writing has been restricted to university essays so I don't write here as much as I would like to but I was inspired of late to come on here and have a bit of a muse. The thing is, is I come from a long line of witterers, or as I prefer to call us (sounds kinder somehow), storytellers. It's highly likely to be the Irish in me though and I know this apple didn't fall far from the tree that is my Dad. For as long as I can remember, family gatherings have always, and I do mean always, ended with us sat around a table or cuddled on sofas, telling stories of 'The Family'. Some of them I've noticed have evolved over the years, possibly embellished, possibly just added to as more of us have added dimensions to the story. New stories have crept in and I noticed with pleasure that a couple have crept in which involve my husband (of 11.5 years!) so ...