Michelle Tant

This week my lovely boy was diagnosed with autism. Or is that diagnosed autistic? See how new I am to this? I feel like my head is swimming so I'm writing in the hope that writing, as it usually does, helps give me the clarity and steadiness to my thoughts that I need. Because if I'm absolutely honest, I feel a bit blindsided . It doesn't matter that in fact we have wondered over the years if he might be 'on the spectrum', we have even gone as far at times to say that yes, he has autistic traits but he IS autistic? Turns out it's more surprising than expected. We went to his paediatric review with no other expectations than to get the incontinence nurse chased up and perhaps the suggestion of some more blood tests to investigate the reason he presents with sensory processing difficulties, speech and language disorders and learning difficulties. The Dr greeted us with the observation that it seems that the only avenue left unexplored at the moment is the a...

When I started as a Breastfeeding Counsellor, I used to cram as many things as I could into my antenatal classes. A year later and some more direct experience supporting brand new mothers in their early breastfeeding experience and I find my classes to be a bit different. I used to go to great pains to tell parents how they could do it properly, not quite step by step, but almost. I'd justify this approach by thinking about how I would have appreciated the information before I breastfed my first child. It took being on a postnatal ward with a brand new mother with an hours old newborn to remind me in exquisite shock just what it is like to be a new mother. It took me right back and I started to think long and hard about just how I felt in those first 24 hours. Morphine induced haze aside, when the mist started to clear, I was overwhelmed with the enormity of the task ahead and the minute and beautiful creature in my arms. The realisation that all the information I'd bee...

I found this link in a forum (www.studentmidwife.net) http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m.../ai_n21053626/ If you, like me, have a day to day, ongoing battle with the idea of normal and how it applies to your life then you may very well find it interesting. 'Extra' needs of an SEN child aside, I still do take exception even with the term 'normal'. My son falls outside of the range of normal in a few ways but does that mean by default that he is then 'ABnormal'? Of course not. And then of course we are left with instead 'Outside of the range of normal', which when dissected actually still means abnormal. I'm not saying that there is any solution here, its just an observation I have as a mother of a child who dances to his own tune. Beautifully I might add.

So its happy 1st birthday to my beautiful little girl. Where on earth has that year gone? From what seemed like the longest pregnancy in history, to the fastest 365 days of my life to date... We took the 3 of them out for a meal and she polished off a whole childrens menu meal for herself, gone apparently are the days of snaffling a few bits and pieces from Mummys plate. A big girl no less. The boys were definitely more excited about her birthday than the birthday girl herself who was distinctly underwhelmed by the whole experience. She sailed through the day as if to say "well of course all this attention directed my way is normal". The way she just takes it all in with a beautific, if not a little cheeky, smile, is so telling of her character though so far. Perhaps its something to do with being a third child, perhaps not, but either way she is so easy and happy. The boys adore her and she charms everyone she encounters. So *cheers* Here's to another year of cu...

This morning I met with the Occupational Therapist with Reuben. Amazingly the last time we saw her wad a year ago. It really is shocking that it has been that long but that is typical of the NHS really, lack of funding means that you get discharged from their service at the first opportunity. Perfect example, Reuben is being assessed for verbal development delay as basically I can't understand much of what he says never mind anyone else and he's been discharged several times. It's madness. A less determined person might have given up by now but I believe that Reuben needs help, more help than I'm equipped to give and that's not false modesty, that's accepting that someone else may have better insight into some of my sons needs than I do and I have to say that admittance does not come easily to me by any means. As a mother I believe that the vast majority of the time I know what's best for my children. I'm not an ego maniac, I'm a mummy! Sometim...

A Western Lowlands Gorilla baby was born at the weekend and apparently Mummy hasn't yet put him or her down, consequently the zoo keepers don't yet know the sex. www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2011/0330/breaking24.html I've already seen it said online that we could take parenting lessons from this Gorilla Mama and while I enjoy the sentiment, the fact remains that she doesn't have house, husband,other demanding children with equally demanding social lives, meals to cook, not to mention another paid job to be shoe horned into the mix. As a parent in the real world, I took my babymoons where I could, I accepted help where I could and I avoid articles that start me feeling that I am a second rate parent in comparison to a primate. I'm one of the first unfortunately to say ignore the 'experts' who regiment parenting into unattainable routines but the more I've immersed myself in babyled culture, the more I see 'experts' on the oth...

I'm not exactly Alan Titchmarsh but I have this vegetable plot in my back garden and I grow bits and pieces in it and its been an, up to now, 'Mummys stuff, don't touch!' area. And actually that's been just the way I've liked it. However Jayden (5) has been asking questions about growing things and so in a rash moment I said when I next go to the garden centre he can choose the things we can grow. He drew up a list. On the list... carrots, potatoes (fine) apples (er...) bananas (hell no) so it was with a certain amount of trepidation that we set off. They naturally enjoyed the ride on the trolley and actually the choosing of seeds etc wasn't quite as painful as I'd envisaged. We left with potatoes, green beans, rhubarb, spring onions, a raspberry bush, a vegetable multipack and a herb multipack. That was apparently the easy part. The hard part it turned out was relinquishing some sort of control over the plot itself. In the name of 'family t...

When my first born was a week old, I asked my health visitor what I could do about the frequent sick ups or 'possetting' and her advice? "Don't wear black!". To some people that might seem rather unhelpful and actually when she said it I kind of stared at her for a moment before allowing it to sink in that what she was actually saying was that the small amount of milk coming back after feeding wasn't a problem. It took my baby brain befuddled mind a few moments to appreciate the subtlety but we got there in the end. She quite skillfully (wierdly) gave me information and allayed fears without being patronizing. She didn't simply tell me not to worry. If there is one thing I find infuriating is being told not to worry about something. There's a couple of issues here. Number One. I'm a mum, I worry, that's my job. Number Two. By telling me not to worry you are dismissing my fears. Not cool. Number Three. Don't tell me what to d...

So you've mastered breastfeeding at home and after the superhuman effort of childbirth, you deserve some retail therapy! Is your blood running cold at the thought of getting your boobs out at the cafe? Or are you well armed with the knowledge that you're doing the most amazing thing ever for your baby and what others think doesn't mean a bean? To be honest I don't think this subject is as simple as either of those responses. We've come a long way in that its now actually illegal in the UK to move on a breastfeeding mother so that's brilliant and not to mention long overdue. But I often find myself tying myself up in knots about it. You might well ask why as I am, I guess, a breastfeeding veteran with 3 exclusively breastfed babies under my belt. I've confidently fed all of them in public, inwardly daring anyone to challenge me... honestly there were times I'd be sat in a cafe almost spoiling for a fight. How wrong is that? I would sit sometimes...

10 days from now I'll be back in the world of employment.10 days from now I'll be leaving my children for 11 hours per day, 3 days per week. 10 days from now I'll be joining the army of women doing the same, every day. I've been sitting here, really thinking about how I feel about this. People ask me now with increasing regularity when I am returning to work. For some time I enjoyed saying "not until next year!", but now the time has come and I am counting the remainder of my maternity leave in days rather than months. My childcare is sorted, and might I say at this point that I am blessed with angelic in-laws without whom our lives would be very different (read, worse) so in that respect we are beyond blessed. My eldest is now at school, my middle child spends the afternoons at nursery and my daughter lives it up with cuddles galore at Grandma and Grandads. Perfect. When I left work last year to come onto maternity leave, there was a lot of uncertain...

I don’t have nearly enough time to go into all the ethical considerations for ethical living so I will first have a look at the Nestle Boycott, an issue close to my heart (well close to my boobs certainly), and then leave you with some facts and figures about the production of some of the everyday items in our lives. Beware though, learning some of them may well change the way you shop forever (and will most definitely change the way you look at those items). Have you heard of the Nestle Boycott? If not, allow me to enlighten you with some background text from The Rough Guide to Ethical Living (Duncan Clark, 2006). “Right back in the 1930s pioneering paediatrician Dr Cicely Williams published and spoke about the hazards of inappropriate bottle feeding (side note – i.e. over or under dilution, mixing with solids, making up with un-sterile water). But for much of the twentieth century the formula milk manufacturers – of which Nestle was and still is, the biggest – aggressively promoted ...

A lot has been said in the media of late about our Carbon Footprint – the principle being that every human activity either directly or indirectly causes greenhouse gases to be released into the atmosphere and this contributes to climate change. I’d like to reduce my carbon footprint but its actually really hard! Funnily enough there is one thing I do which has a zero carbon footprint (CF), and that is breastfeeding! The production of baby milk substitutes has a high CF due to the rearing of the cows, the production of the cows feed, manufacture and transportation of the milk powder, the manufacture of the product itself, then there’s the packaging – tins, plastic etc. The long shelf life of formula milk means that a hard wearing container is essential. When I sit here and breastfeed, my carbon footprint is minimal… I say minimal because I do admittedly need to breathe… #justsayin But as I’ve already said, living greener doesn’t just have to mean drinking out of used yoghurt pots and we...

As a mother to three gorgeous children, the way I look at the world has changed somewhat. As I’ve explained before, I’ve always been concerned about world and environmental issues, but now it’s not just about the world that I live in, it’s the world that my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren will live in. More to the point, will there be a world left for them? In my attempts to live a greener, more environmentally aware everyday life I don’t always succeed, I am not a perfectly green person but I am doing the best I can. I guess what I’m trying to say is just do what you can; whatever you do, it is one more person doing one more thing and all those one things add up. This is not a wishy washy philosophy, there is power in numbers and I really believe that. It does still mean of course that I have to get up off my chair and do something. Here in the UK, the buzz phrase for reducing waste is REDUCE, RE-USE, RECYCLE . How can I REDUCE? • The landfills in the world can’t take...

I was brought up to have an awareness of the world around me, my Nan was a green campaigner, specifically protesting against the development of nuclear weapons and so I feel like it’s a part of me somehow, in my genes if you like! So it was no surprise to my mother I would imagine when I came home with the leaflet from a petition I’d signed to stop the testing on animals for cosmetics etc. I was as furious as any 12 year old can be and I started writing letters, to the Prime Minister, to the cosmetics companies, to my local paper, anyone who would listen, but mainly those who wouldn’t. At times, as a young person, I felt utterly overwhelmed by the enormity of the issues of animal cruelty, what could I do? As I grew up I carried on with the letters etc and a couple of protests at school, I learnt about other issues going on in the world, injustices towards children in the developing world, continuing prejudices on my own doorstep… It really sometimes feels like too much. How is it that ...

Your new baby never seems to stop feeding and people seem to be giving conflicting advice. Some say baby feeds so often because you don't have enough milk - baby is hungry so best to think about topping up... But consider this. What if, your baby was a human being with feelings, moods, preferences and social needs as well as physiological needs? Think for a moment about when you eat and drink. Is every time simply about nutritional value? No! We sit and eat together, we go out for coffees together. It's often a social part of our lives. Babies are social beings with social needs. Sometimes we just would like a chocolate bar... why? Just because. Take a piece of paper and give it a couple if headings; 'Time', 'food/drink consumed' and 'Duration'. Now think about a 24 hour period in a normal day according to you. Then note down every single thing that passes your lips, it may look a little like this. 6.45am - Coffee - 3 mins 8am - cereal and frui...

There has been a bit of a revival around this subject over the last few years. However its not a new topic by any means. Before breastfeeding books and gurus, new mothers had to rely on their instincts and on the women around them. Women and girls would have seen breastfeeding happening all the time, it was perfectly natural and to be blunt, there was no other choice. Babies who were not breastfed, either by their own mother or by another lactating woman in the group, would die. Choice was not a luxury of the pre modern woman. So back to instincts. Suzanne Colson wrote about biological nurturing and the principle of breastfeeding being a continuation of the baby being in the womb (source: Womb to World, A Metabolic Perspective in Midwifery Today, 2002) and I've long found the idea that a baby is born with all the 'tools' it needs to breastfeed truly fascinating. Mothers have historically misread the signs of a newborn baby. Where thrashing hands and feet are seen, ...

Reuben started his first afternoon session at nursery today. He'll be going Tuesday to Thursday afternoons then 8.45-3.15 on Fridays. He loves it there and has been getting on so well and then today we arrived, he was excitedly taking off his coat, throwing his bag in the box then went to the name tag table. He got there and stopped. Stood staring at it blankly. It took me a moment to see what was wrong, and a millisecond to see what was coming next. He turned and looked at me, confusion written all over his little face. He looked back at the table. Frozen. He literally couldn't move on because he was stalled. His next move had been unexpectedly taken from him and he was now totally thrown. Surely Mummy can save the day? Apparently not. I asked what happened to his name tag and they replied that they hadn't been able to find it and they'll probably have to make a new one. Tried explaining that one to a child who has limited understanding and even less communic...

I couldn't quite bring myself to type 'resolutions' as I invariably disgrace myself by failing miserably. So this year I'm going to do things a little different. I have one, yes ONE proper new years resolution. * Stop biting my nails. As my mother says, "you're 30 now, its time you gave that up". The rest of my 'new years etc' are as follows. The theory being that by not having a list I can't fail. How very defeatist of me... * Find a bible reading plan that actually works for me. Not sure why I end up bombing out on this with such alarming regularity. * Finally finish my daughters bedroom. It has such marvellous pink potential. The fact that she won't be in it for a while yet is neither here nor there, its half done and as such is making ME feel half done. Annoying. * Perhaps add a bit more structure to my blog. Eg, Feeding Friday, something or other Saturday. Hmm, may need some more work but you get the general idea. More o...

In a few days I will be thinking about what to pin down as my new years resolutions. Never mind that every year they invariably fall by the wayside mid February (cough... January) but I like to remain optimistic and make them anyway. Starts the year off with an excellent sense of purpose I always feel. However today, we are in the middle of what is known to some as Crimbo Limbo. That awkward space between Christmas and New Year. No one really knows what to do with themselves, the kids are going nuts because nowhere is open for us crazed parents to take them and I can't (read 'wouldn't inflict on myself willingly) take the children shopping with me to bag me some bargains in the sales. So now seems as good a time as any to reflect on the past year. There's been some highs and lows as with any year. A big high goes to giving birth to my beautiful baby daughter on 1st June. Unexpectedly at home and what an amazing experience. And what a delightful child, so sunny ...

When I was pregnant I had a vision in my head of our new daughters first Christmas. She would be nearly 7 months old and by that point she would have tried a few tastes of pureed vegetables and fruits, certainly enough to make up to a Christmas meal. I decided that I would puree them separately so she had a variety of tastes then for dessert perhaps some stewed apple and raisins for a festive finish. That was also other peoples expectations of her Christmas meal and in fact any of her meals, I frequently feel like I'm being watched. My Nan came out with it the other day... "isn't she a bit young for that?" when I handed her a rice cake with a slice of cheese and apple. I was at that point a bit fed up of constantly explaining our choice to allow our daughter to lead her own journey to weaning. So I just said "watch her!". So she did. And was amazed to see her happily eat the lot, barring obviously the little bits that get tucked in unexpected plac...