Michelle Tant

(June 2018) Last year I cared for a woman who experienced a stillbirth at term. As a result I suffered symptoms of PTSD and required counselling in order to move forward. I came to realise that much of my recovery was tied up in the worry that I was not meant to ‘feel’ in this way. The grief belonged to the mother so why did I feel so bereft. Through the help of a skilled counsellor and a huge amount of reflection, then ultimately through writing this article I was able to untangle some of those feelings. My hope is that in reading this, others will be helped through a recognition that the midwifes grief is a valid, albeit complex process. If this is you, then please do reach out and get the support you need. The article was published as a blog post on my most favourite midwifery journal website The Practising Midwife / All4Maternity, a fantastic comprehensive resource for all birthy types. I recently discovered that the wonderfully brave and courageous woman I supported last...

Earlier this year I observed an autopsy of an infant girl. This is my response to the encounter. There are no identifying comments in the text.   My assumption is of cot death though of course this is not diagnosable at point of autopsy.   I lost my own brother to cot death when I was 5 years old. I remember him vividly and I remember his absence in our home just as clearly. Our lives were never the same again; his loss is still felt now nearly 30 years later. Seeing Baby X brought so much of the pain back into stark focus and I wondered if the mortician had treated my brother so kindly and with such respect. I hope so. I wrote this letter because I was shocked by the violence of my feelings. I was literally knocked sideways by the strength of them and they seemed to have no resting place. I started to write the letter in my head and began to find some peace as I acknowledged her life and paid my respects. I can't bring her back to life, I can't heal the pain of ...