I have decided it is all be some kind of conspiracy.
'It' of course being motherhood. Because we really must wonder, if we really knew what we were getting into, if we knew that to even have them, was not only deal with many unmentionable, ahem, bodily fluids, that by giving birth we are making a choice to wear our hearts on the outside for the rest of our lives... would we even have them?
I saw a comment on FB today which said "No-one told me babies sick up so much!" and do you know, she is quite right. That fact, along with so many others are just not talked about. Along with toddler tantrums, supermarket horrors, muffin tops (ours, not theirs and not the yummy kind), broken nights, sorry yes, its still going on at 3 years post partum.
Of course once you have HAD said baby, the flood gates are open and you, the new mother sits with open mouthed astonishment as fact after gruesome fact comes spilling out. The nappies, which, while you were actually expecting them, were you really expecting them with such alarming frequency? Or with such variance of colour, odour and general 'leakiness'? Did you know that baby poo can reach the ears? Neither did I, in fact when I saw it there I thought it had somehow been smeared there by the previous 'wiper'.
Too visual? Sorry. Welcome to planet baby and seeing as I thought I might chat about snot next perhaps an apology in advance is due?
Actually I dont think I can face snot right now, I've been wiping it up all day but you know, I'll do it again tomorrow and strangely enough, with each wipe I won't be grimacing, I'll be thinking, there, thats much nicer for you.
Its not so much a conspiracy then. More a protection. We dont go into these details because I'm sorry, but I really don't think that pre-birth, we can deal with the prospect of these gross aspects of mother/parenthood; I know I probably couldn't have. I don't 'do' poo. Then once we reach it, we realise its all worth the ride. Snotty noses, horrendous nappies and 'Oh god I can't face the supermarket with both of them ever again' moments. A small small price to pay for a day of life with my kids.